How to Tell Loved Ones You Have Cancer

When you learn that you have cancer, figuring out the best way to tell your loved ones can be a challenge. It is best to just gather everyone together, sit them down and tell them exactly what the doctor has told you. Some of your loved ones may have questions and that's OK. It is also acceptable if you tell them you will answer them at another time. No matter what, be sure to tell your family that you are strong and are going to fight the cancer. If you remain strong and willing to fight, you will always have the support of your family, which is very important in these trying times. - jwilson on 1/17/2012 

Revealing any serious medical condition can lead to a painful and troubling experience for loved ones. It is important to recognize the seriousness of the condition but remain optimistic about the prognosis. The emotional toll of a cancer diagnosis is often just as difficult on close family and friends as it is on the patient. It helps to approach the discussion with a plan in advance in order to best control emotions. While discussing the situation, the patient should give loved ones an honest appraisal of their condition, remain open to discussing feelings (of the patients and the loved ones) and give thanks for emotional support and affection. - searose on 1/17/2012 

In my opinion, being open and as honest as you can be about having cancer is very important. Secrets and deceptions are definitely more dangerous than facing and handling the truth together. I think that goes for children as well. There have been many cancers in my extended family over my lifetime, and the worst times for me were when I was a child and they tried to keep things from me because I was a kid. I really resented that. - SandraDee on 1/23/2012 

I think it is hard to tell those around you when you have cancer due to your own feelings about your diagnosis. Additionally, they will likely not know what to say in return. The key is to let them know the facts about your condition, what can be done to treat it. I would suggest ending with the reassurance that you will do everything you can to beat the cancer and how they can provide support. - v-dawg on 1/31/2012 

How you choose to break the news that you have cancer to your family and friends really depends on your personal preferences. This is your cancer and your battle to fight. Honesty is definitely the best option when you do decide to tell them, and if they truly deserve your love, they will be there to help and support you when you need it. - Anonymous on 2/6/2012 

Some of the people who have commented before have been saying it is important for the cancer sufferer to be optimistic when telling loved ones. I would disagree. Chances are your loved ones know you better than you think, and can pick up on any worries that are not properly being expressed. If you are not feeling optimistic about the chances of recovery, it would be a good idea to convey that when telling your loved ones, so that they can most understand your position and help support you. If they think you're going to be fine when you aren't. If you show a false sense of optimism, you are just setting them up for more pain as your condition worsens. It is better to prepare for the worst and be surprised when it turns around than to think everything is fine and witness a sudden tragedy. - PJsMom on 2/14/2012 

When talking to loved ones about your diagnosis, it is important to recognize that not everyone will handle it in the same way. Some may want to deny it and will try to resume "business as usual," as though the diagnosis must be a mistake. Another possible reaction is anger, which can be expressed or held inside. The anger can be misdirected toward you, as though it is your fault that you developed cancer. Anger is sometimes channeled into an insistence that you pursue some particular form of treatment which has not been recommended by your physicians. A loved one will sometimes begin grieving a loss which may not even come to pass, or present an attitude of unrealistic optimism. Initial reactions should be taken for what they are, because over time most people will come to terms with their feelings and arrive at more thoughtful approaches to your illness. - Nineteen on 2/21/2012 

Telling loved ones you have cancer can be tough, but it must be done. If you are just honest and tell them that you have cancer, they cannot be mad at you. It is worse to hide it than to tell them; that way, you can receive help and care from the ones you love. The most important things is being with the ones you love, and they can't be on the same page with you if you don't tell them something as big as having cancer. - xorayanne on 2/27/2012 

You have to make sure that you are going to be open to your family when you are diagnosed with cancer. Make sure that you are keeping them updated about your situation. They will be there to help you. You need all of the help you can get in order to deal with your cancer. - hul76tuyman on 3/23/2012 

The best way is to tell them face to face somewhere private, like in the home. The worst thing you can do is tell someone while they are occupied with anything else or even worse yet, tell them on the phone. - thebluebox on 3/27/2012 

I think you should tell the person you most trust first so they can be a support system when you have to tell other members of your family .Stick to the facts and ask for love and unconditional support to help you. Defeating cancer involves more than just the affected person. - searose on 3/30/2012 

I agree that when telling your loved ones that you have cancer, it is important to be honest. You do not have to be strong for your loved ones--it is OK to express your fears and concerns about the disease. - sandybill45 on 4/3/2012 

As the poster above me said, honesty is definitely the best policy. Tell them how you feel, and what your concerns are. They will feel more involved. - Anonymous on 4/7/2012 

I think it's very important to just be honest and tell your loved ones the truth. Be realistic about your prognosis, and what treatment will be like, so your loved ones know what to expect. - mathilde on 4/11/2012