Fatigue
The Key to Delegation

What is going on around you that is contributing to your fatigue level (e.g., cancer diagnosis, symptoms related to your cancer or treatment, role changes at home, financial stress, emotional and physical stress)?

What personal barriers must you overcome to realize the benefits of delegating to others (e.g., sense of anger, feelings of loss of control, achievement concern that it won't be done right, feel abandonment or that you aren't worthy or needed, loss of your "normal" role in the family)? Understand that others can and wish to help, but might not know how to be useful. It is OK to spell it out to them.

• Assess what you need done. Learn to let go.



• Plan and prioritize.



• Divide duties among your friends or family members, considering their skill and knowledge level, motivation, and personal traits. Provide a clear understanding of the responsibility and what your expectations are. Delegation can empower family and friends to enhance their talents and skills and possibly develop new ones.



• Evaluate and provide praise. Reinforce good work and good attempts. Resist the temptation to take over if or when things go wrong.

Assess the strengths of your family. Who is better at doing the yard work? Who likes to cook? Who does a better job with the housework? Your family members want to help. In letting go, you will show friends and family that you trust and respect them and that you need them. Ultimately, by sharing the work, it allows you to devote more time and energy to activities and areas that are most meaningful to you.

• Openly and honestly let your friends and family members know your feelings.



• Use "I feel" and "I want" statements.



• Communicate who, what, where, when, how, and why.

• Shift your focus: Determine what is possible in this situation, and turn away from negative feelings. Separate the person from the problem.



• Create a positive, open attitude: Listen and empathize with what the other person wants/needs. Respect feelings that are expressed.



• State your feelings: Be direct and honest. State your feelings clearly and factually. Determine what you are willing to do or give to get what you want.



• Evaluate mutual goals: Determine what the other person is willing to do or give up to get what he or she wants and propose a solution that reflects understanding of what you both want/need.

The final step in this process is providing positive and constructive feedback to your friend or family member. If these words are left unspoken, he or she may wonder, "Did I do ok?", "Does he or she notice what I do?", or even "he or she never thanks me, so what does it matter?" Sharing honest feedback regarding a person's efforts and performance takes courage. Providing praise and constructive criticism will strengthen your relationship and create a greater sense of "team" and support of one another as you face your cancer diagnosis.